Here’s what you can do if you no longer feel sexual attraction for your partner
Laura Palomares, psychologist and director of the prestigious center of psychology in Madrid, Avance Psychologists, discovers if it is real and how you can solve it.
Sexual desire varies from one time to another and also depends a lot on the mood of each person. For example, “if there is an excess of stress, sexual desire is inhibited. Sometimes, other reasons are hormonal or physical and it is normal to have periods of higher or lower libido”, stresses Laura Palomares.
However, if we observe that our libido is normal, there are no external reasons that affect us especially, but with our partner there is no attraction, we should check what is happening.
The lack of attraction and sexual desire towards the other usually provokes feelings of guilt which, on the other hand, “also influence the desire itself, causing it to drop. This leads to a vicious circle that brings with it the avoidance of physical and affective contact and other communication problems,” says Palomares.
What is the cause?
Sometimes, the causes are deep: a “historical debt”, a hidden anger, ongoing problems with the in-laws, personal insecurities or taboos, may be behind this decrease in desire for the partner.
In these cases, the psychologist recommends going to sex therapy before a greater affective and physical distancing takes place.
Some tips to manage it
Communication between the couple is fundamental. It is essential to put the problem on the table, calmly and objectively and, very important: without looking for culprits.
Laura Palomares, director of the center specializing in Couple Therapy gives us these tips to try a rapprochement:
- Check if there are enough joint leisure spaces and encourage them.
- Touch each other more. “The caress generates an increase of oxytocins and endorphins in the organism, the hormones of love and well-being, and these always help to strengthen the bond”, she explains.
- More erotic literature. Fantasy is the basis of our desire and erotic literature is a powerful sexual stimulus, which will awaken our most important “sexual organ”: the head.
- If the causes are deep or the couple does not know how to approach the situation calmly and it is generating discussions, the expert suggests “to go to a couple therapy with a psychologist specialized in sexology, in order to work the individual conditioning factors that revert on the couple, in addition to the difficulties of the relationship”.
